So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
