It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
