chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
