you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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