If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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