If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
God I need to hump something, right now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
