your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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