He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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