I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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