We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
