Don't you send me to vm
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
