Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
