woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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