I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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