There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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