I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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