our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
