Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
