I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
