i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
