If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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