I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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