not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
