Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
