dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
