this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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