Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
