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Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
