yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
