I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize