direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
