I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
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I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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