Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
