i already hear my dad disowning me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
