What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
