the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
