Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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