last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
