sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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