margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
