You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
