when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
