I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
