just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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