if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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