I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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