My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
