We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
