Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
