The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His hands were made for my vagina.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
