I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
