Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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