We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
