i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
