Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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