So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
