If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
