batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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