I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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