lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
