So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
