just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
