ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize