I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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