I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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