this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Found your dick twin last night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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